A few days ago, I changed my Facebook cover photo. (Not a super-compelling life update, I know…) But it’s significant because my cover photo for the last year and half was an adorable black and white picture of Baby Dawes and me.
I’ve now updated it to be a random image of a flower wall I took 2 seconds to find on Canva.
I just wanted to replace the cover photo with something quickly and easily, because I was suddenly overcome with an urge to remove any image of my daughter that could be accessed publicly on the internet.
Truth be told, the urgency was triggered by a Facebook friend request from someone who I guess would be a loose acquaintance via someone else I barely know… but that’s being generous. In actuality, they are a stranger to me and I don’t really see a reason for them to befriend me on social media.
Maybe that’s outdated thinking anymore!
But I don’t care, because it made me realize the all too easy ways that my private family life can be accessed by strangers.
Like, folks are posting whole pictures of their children, their children’s schools, their own home locations, vehicles, daily activities, and so on. And while nobody is sharing this information with a big red arrow that says, “Here’s where you can find me or my small children at any given time of day, together or separately!” Buuuuuut with the nature of social media and the internet, that kinda is what it’s saying.
Plus, can we just talk about the flat out pressure that can accompany the daily showing of YOUR LITERAL FACE for the whole world to see, scrutinize, or stalk — virtually every day?! I see parents clearly face-tuning their kid’s faces on social media, and it just… ugh. It’s sad and icky to me that they feel they have to like, optimize their own children this way because they’re going to be shown to ~*the public*~.
Can we just, get rid of that subliminal pressure altogether? It’s not natural to “be seen” like this by hundreds or thousands of people, whenever they want. It creates a pressure to perform.
And ok, sure. We show our faces and our kids’ faces OUT IN PUBLIC every day. But not like this… You know what I mean.
But if you’ve heard or read any of my ranting about Facebook (and social media at large), you already know I have a love/hate relationship with it. Except, even the “love” part of that is gone. I have what feels like a begrudging obligation to keep Facebook for… what? I’m not exactly sure.
I started up a new account when Baby Dawes was born, after 7 or so years mostly off the platform, with the intention to share all things new baby with my friends and family.
Now, suddenly, I want to keep all traces of my baby as far from Facebook as I can.
I also thought that with the revival of my ~blogging~ that I’d be spamming my blog posts all over Facebook, getting new subscribers and gaining traction everywhere. After all, that’s how I got a ton of my blog traffic years ago, before I left social media the first time.
Yet, here I am — beautifying my site, updating everything, blogging my face off — and not sharing any of it on Facebook.
But why?! I don’t know!
The desire to now keep Baby Dawes off the internet as long as possible feels like it comes from a primal, ancient place, far beyond my surface-level awareness.
(So don’t even get me started on the AI angle of all this and the terrors that any mother can dream up when think of what these learning models could do with an image of their child. I know that Pandora has already opened that box, the cat is already out of the bag, the genie is out of that bottle. There’s no going back and I know it, so that’s a different topic for a different day. But if I can hold out for the sake of Baby Dawes for a while longer… I’m going to.)
So, what to do? No idea.
I’ll probably keep my Facebook for now, and will continue to post the occasional photo or status update because I’m vain and like the dopamine hit just like anybody else.
But overall, that shit is getting. locked. down.
And I fear it will only get worse. (Or better..?) I’ve taken down the photos of Baby Dawes from this blog, and have removed other specific details about her. Will it get to a point where I want I don’t even want to share her actual name or practically ANY information about my daughter?
I guess we’ll have to see how technology, social media, and AI continues to progress. Because when I’m feeling really radical, I could convince myself to nuke the entire “personal” aspect of this blog, completely. Time will tell.
Until then, I’ll (not) see ya on Facebook!
XOXO,
Kacie
